>>62192
I've never read this, but I want to support you. Time to give some amateur feedback
>I sometimes use [Dad] or [father] here to refer to the pc, but I have no clue how that being "mom", or "mother" wouldn't be confusing, whether it is Izma or the player.
Could have it check a few times here and there and call the player Alpha-Mom when Izma is present, as the daughter's way to distinguish the two.
>Requires cock between 6~ to 12~ or so inches.
Strikes me as bizarre that there's a minimum size. I understand overly huge dicks changing the logistics a bit in an annoying way, but a small dick still fits in the hole.
And 12 inch max? Izma's is 15. If the player hasn't dedicked Izma, this implies that any player in this scene has a smaller cock than hers, and that Izma isn't going to do any penetration
>I might look at supporting nooze
I'll keep this in mind.
>You'd like
>You ask
Generally feels a bit clunky to start consecutive sentences the same way. Off the top of my head, a fix is to make it a compound sentence. Just change ". You ask" to ", and ask"
Might be personal style but I'd probably want to invite her to help, not ask
>Dialog
Feels a little... Stiff, maybe? Not quite natural, but hard to articulate the issue.
It may help to split that first chunk into it, with some kind of emoting or action. Like
We tend to grow up fast and," she [if (dedicked izma) {shuffles her thighs and looks to her lap|directs her gaze to the half-erect bulge in her skirt}], "have a high libido [...]
That kind of thing. Not that necessarily, but the jist.
>With a hand around your beta's waist and her tail around your own waist
Pretty awkwardly repetitive. It'd probably retain clarity to be
"With your hand around her waist and her tail around yours"
And I considered a couple ways to word it for her tail being around your tail if you have one, but
How flexible and controlled are shark tails? I just assumed their tails stiffly wagged back and forth, like a shark's rear-body swimming, so wrapping the tail around a thin little rope-like tail of another race seems off.
But I'm overthinking it.
>Are we going to practice sex
I would have though "gonna" instead of going to, for a high energy preteen. Feels like they'd mush sounds together to get across the point faster.
Probably just stylistic that I'd drop "sex" from it. She's a child, she knows in her head what she's thinking, so she's more inclined to be imprecise. I think.
>your daughter[s] joyfully jump[s]
Let's hope whoever codes this knows their grammar well enough without you having to be explicit about it.
The new coder who did the Alex scene seems to have a poor grasp of English, so I'm unsure.
>[say: I'm going to have you cum in under a minute this time. Just you wait [Dad]!]
From Izma saying "they'll learn plenty about being a real alpha, and how to please one", and also the fact this is both the player and Izma teaching them together, you'd want options to teach the daughters how to be alpha, possibly by dominating Izma with your help. If there's more to it than just making them serve you, it might not be a case of "I'm gonna make you CUM, daddio"
It's also not a great bit of dialog in my opinion, but that's just my personal feeling.
It IS a good time to call fem-PC "Alpha-Mom!" though
>Is [Dad] gonna help [me|us] with reading?
Oh, you did gonna there.
Tangent, just pondered if they could expect something else from the Alpha instead of reading, and one day they'd certainly want to know how to fight, so I'm just imagining an impatient player kicking their child with all 100 points of strength and just leaving them on the ground, bruised and instantly defeated.
>mate happy.
>
>We know
When doing multi-paragraph dialog, you do [saystart] and then [sayend] I think.
>[they|she] is eager to try it.}] Certainly an eager lot, aren't they?
They is eager, that eager lot, as I may so eagerly mention
>asking:
I'm not sure it's strictly an error, but I feel like it should be a comma, not colon. Why is it a colon? It's a normal dia