i wish i had the capability to just pack up and leave. start a new life. or hell, just start MY life. i dont and never have felt alive here. i actually really like my town and enjoy what i do for work, but im horribly underpaid for what i do and im so lonely here. every night i have these flashes where reality hits me and i clearly see how unhappy i am with my life. i feel it without fail whenever the veil between waking and sleep is thin. it terrifies me. i only had two things keeping me here and one just did the very thing i wish i could do, she packed up and moved across the country in a single night with no warning. the other is the fact that someone is going to hand over a business to me after he dies. it feels like that’s my only bet at ever escaping the debt ridden trailer park life im expected to enter.
I dont even know if it’s worth sticking around here to take over this business, i know i dont want to run it, but i desperately want to have stable income and housing in the long term. plus i would disappoint so many people if i left, and i know if i leave and regret it, i won’t have anything left to turn back to. thinking like that is my problem. how can some people just not care? how can i be like that? has anyone here ran away 2000 miles from home with no destination waiting for you?