/loomis/ - loomis

I've just reinstalled my OS and noticed that I ineed didn't do a backup of my home directory yet once again.
And people ask me to show some of my work.
LMAO
This always happens.
But I will stand up, brush off the dust and walk forward again like I always do.
There is no other way than forward.
The past has happened and is just an illusion.
Reality is right now, and that's a fact.

I realized something about myself.

The biggest source of my anxiety with drawing is "being wrong" or "Not doing things right,". That fucking sucks the fun out of drawing because I get so worked up about my mistakes that it prevents me from actually learning. It started with my parents, (both of them are perfectionists thanks to THEIR parents), and that wound got tore-open again thanks to a bad encounter with anon on other boards.

What weirds me out, is that I don't know what the fuck actually is right or wrong in the art world- there isn't really a standard other than "just give it shape that looks 3D,". yet despite this, i just fucking try to draw simple shit and then the fucking bad thoughts come and say "It's not realistic," or "oh you suck, you should just quit." and I hate that. I want art to be fun again.

I can put my hand to my pen and tablet and draw landscapes, but I want to git gud at drawing humans too. I hate the idea that I "need to study X00 hours of anatomy before I can consider myself 'gud'," because it just feels like it's fucking busywork that doesn't have bearing on what art is supposed to be. I know that's silly because anatomy is a valuable tool. I'm just so fucking tired of feeling like I need to please people that will never fucking be pleased at any point in their stupid fucking lives.

At the same time, I feel like I can't defend myself or call them assholes because "That would be going down to their level and that makes you a horrible person and a hypocrite", and yet here they are being blatant assholes, something that I emotionally-feel-like I'm not allowed to do, because if I step out of line I'm the fucking bad guy and "fuck everything you ever worked for,".

I want to take and throw my drink at the window because I'm so mad at everyone that says "This is wrong," for reasons that I feel like they don't fucking get at all. They're just a bunch of dumb fucks parroting someone else's stupid fucking dogma that doesn't have any bearing on technical knowledge or form or light or color.

Why the fuck do I worry so much about people's opinion, when most of the time, these kinds of people are just talking out of their egos? Why do I care so much about being "perfect"  when "perfect" is basically "good enough"? What the fuck is the root of this stupid emotional trauma? How can I be comfortable being wrong? How can I not give a shit anymore? How can I make it without feeling like I need to shove everything down and fake it. 

This is what my ego is thinking:

"I hate that I feel like I gotta shove everything into the pit of my stomach where it doesn't belong. I feel like I'm alone in taking responsibility for my life despite the fucknuggets around me taking absolutely ZERO fucking responsibility for their own actions."
"Why the fuck do I have to be the single good guy and everyone else can be free and be a cunt?"
"Why can they be hypocrites and I have to be the good guy?"
"I just want to have fun, why do they have to be assholes?"
"Why am I giving a shit about them?"
"Why do I like people that do this shit?"
"Why can I see what is blatantly a problem they have and they are oblivious to their own suffering?"
"Why do I feel bad for these people and they are completely numb to their own trauma?"
"Why do I feel like I need to worry so much about them for my own sake?"
"What the fuck is wrong with me? I just want to draw cute fun and sexy things."
"I'm trying to get rid of all these fucks I'm giving, but they're fucking weeds at this point."

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>>1221
> This is what my ego is thinking:
> MY ego
> MY
Me --> Ego
Who are you and who is the ego?
Are you sure you are not the ego?
Just a thought to play around with.
This "my ego" is usally a protective mechanism the ego uses to avoid pain. But one has to go through that pain to reach wholistic healing.
But people often times say "my ego" instead of me, because it's painful to accept one has been traumatized and programmed.
But the real power lies in accepting that you are the ego, because talking about "me" or "I" is per definition already the ego.
God is outside the ego and means that you identify with nothing and therefore are part of everything.
(See Jesus Christ.)

I myself still probably have many traumata I'm currently not aware of. I also probably still have some fears inside of me.
But I work on steadily dissolving those fears and accepting reality.


> "I hate that I feel like I gotta shove everything into the pit of my stomach where it doesn't belong. I feel like I'm alone in taking responsibility for my life despite the fucknuggets around me taking absolutely ZERO fucking responsibility for their own actions."

> "Why the fuck do I have to be the single good guy and everyone else can be free and be a cunt?"
You are not the single "good" guy. There are many "good" guys. I think you might be focusing too much on the "bad" guys.
If you don't put energy into them, they stop existing for you. It's your choice.

> "Why can they be hypocrites and I have to be the good guy?"
Everyone is what he wants to be. You don't have to be the good guy.
If you want to be the good guy, then be the good guy. No one is forcing you.
If you want, you can cave in and become a prick. The consequences of that choice are all on you.

> "I just want to have fun, why do they have to be assholes?"
Can't you have fun and allow others to be assholes? Assholes don't find it fun to talk shit, if it truly no longer affects you.

> "Why am I giving a shit about them?"
Good question.

> "Why do I like people that do this shit?"
Now were getting into some interesting territory.

> "Why can I see what is blatantly a problem they have and they are oblivious to their own suffering?"
Because of trauma and pain. It's often times painful to be honest with ones self.

> "Why do I feel bad for these people and they are completely numb to their own trauma?"
That's a healthy reaction to such people I'd say. Yes, I pity them. They are traumatized and life a  painful existe.

> "Why do I feel like I need to worry so much about them for my own sake?"
Hmm, I don't feel that way. You seem to have a different personality from me. Do you really need to worry about them for your own sake? Can you not just accept them the way they are and rationally decide weather it's worth the effort to try and change them?

> "What the fuck is wrong with me? I just want to draw cute fun and sexy things."
Figure out yourself what's wrong with you, not your ego. And as I see it, God is beyond you.
Just draw sexy things.
Don't give a fuck about destructive people. Just draw what you want. Draw cute and sexy human or human-hybrid things if you feel like it. Everything that can be looked at as a skill, needs to be practiced.
"Not giving a shit."TM is also a skill to be practiced. Embracing failure is also a skill to be practiced. Being happy is also something you can practice.

> "I'm trying to get rid of all these fucks I'm giving, but they're fucking weeds at this point."
Pull them out one by one, because with every weed plucked, will make you feel a bit better and it will make it easier and faster to pluck the other weeds. :D
I talk from experience. It's not linear. Just how people can quickly drop into their personal hell, they can also reach the highest hights divinity.

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As this is the closest to an off topic thread I'd like to invite everyone here over to 
https://anon.cafe/christmas/

Some of the boards are getting together to celebrate the holiday and if anyone here feels like getting involved, either through making a thread or just enjoying the existing ones and the (eventual) movie streams come on by.

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.moe doesn't like my soypad so I might as well post here for a bit to keep the dream alive

>>1221
I'm quite a few rungs below the one and only Artchad but I feel much the same way when it comes to my work.

When it comes to the tangent about people towards the end there however I'll just say that I'm not a particularly judgemental guy. One thing I do lament is people who have a lot of time and use it for nothing other than self indulgent activities instead of apportioning at least some of that time to learn, be creative etc.-perhaps in no small part because I was one of those myself to an extent despite working (I spent a good decade coming home from work and school and just playing Counter-Strike for 5 hours or more almost every night and I have to live with the consequences of that).

I've worked since I was 16, often more than one job, and I never really had that opportunity to have nothing else going on in my life that some others seem to and admittedly I'm a little resentful of that fact. Not resentful of the people themselves who enjoy that privilege,  but just resentful of the idea that I specifically never really had the opportunity to be left completely alone day after day to do "whatever". If you're not willing to at least feign retardation or insanity you basically have to work and that's that, and then for me to have squandered many years of what little free time I had outside of the shipping department of the dealership warehouse  or the kitchen of the pizza restaurant was a huge, extended blunder I don't think I ever recovered from psychologically and never may.

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Is this where everyone has migrated to? I dislike this place, because the owner allows requests >>73. I just know that any art board owner who allows requesters (non artists) to stay and proliferate is evil. Any artist who encourages such act by fulfilling requests is a cuck, and I shan't interact with them any further.
I'll stick to http://4usoivrpy52lmc4mgn2h34cmfiltslesthr56yttv2pxudd3dapqciyd.onion/loomis/ ( https://8chan.moe/loomis/ ), because I trust Loomis. 

>>1221
Did you post your art online, and got criticized?
You probably shouldn't post your work on the internet if your ego is this fragile. Sounds like you should stop browsing sites that demoralize you, too.
Also >>1223 is correct.

>>1226
Doesn't work.

>>1227
I truly hope you make it. Tons of minimum wagies or even third worlders have become millionaires thanks to this new unregulated market, and I'm sure you will too.

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I feel stuck in a pattern of 2 steps forward, 4 steps back, 3 steps forward. I know progress is not supposed to be a very linear thing, but it's been easy for me to get demoralized. One day I'll feel like I have very little trouble just putting marks on paper, the next day it seems like nothing I do comes out right. Maybe I just need to be patient with myself.

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>>1232
I feel like I'm on TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP OF THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD.
> I feel stuck in a pattern of 2 steps forward, 4 steps back, 3 steps forward.
What do you call this kind of dance?
2 steps forward
4 steps back
3 steps against
and another 10 ahead.
Dududududududu

>>1223
>Me --> Ego speech
I had to reread this a second time to finally get what you were trying to tell me, guru-gondola. That and a valuable "I am that" meditation I found out a few days ago.

This was what I was missing. Thank you.

>>1227
>Wasted time and life.
I've been on that ride before. over a decade in food service despite having an artist's degree,  when I'm feeling like I wasted time doing the former and wasted money with the latter. Looking back on it now? I'm thankful for the things it taught, and I'm salty that it didn't include a bunch of things that are incredibly crucial to art: (the base form of figures never-ever taught in class, the sketchbook being "on the student's time" despite being a third of the grade in the 2010s, when crimes-against-wagies was 75% critical mass). As for food service? I'm thankful for the friends I've found, and that I've currently got a great boss for what is a long-standingly-dysfunctional industry.

Perspective, I guess? I don't know yet.

>>1228
It wasn't criticism, it was straight-up mockery. I've seen a lot worse art- hell, I've uploaded something worse that I didn't get emotionally-fucked for. Part of the problem was that I was hyping myself up for loomis-like critique instead of outright mockery and anons claiming that they could do my art better than I could.

At this point, I'm ready to be done with those who've hurt me. Even if I have to cry a thousand tears to git gud.

>>1221
>>1237

I've seen artists attitudes change specifically depending on one person or another, it's frustrating and unfair- such is in the case of crab bucket mentality where people who are perceived as being well off in their understanding are frequently torn down. This can also apply to people who they think might have any potential to be better than them.
I think the thing you might be understanding at this point is that not all critique is equal and in many cases it can be detrimental or just straight up useless."You don't have to be a chef to tell the soup taste like shit" Is a phrase parroted to such a criminal degree- used by people as a shield to deflect their own lack of experience in creative subjects and protect themselves from judgement.

Anatomy's a little bit of a meme, it should be one of the very last things on the list to check off of things to study, and plenty of artists get by well barely "knowing" any anatomy at all. That's because it IS complicated, so it's like fine tuning the engine of your skillset. Knowing how something fits or moves can be a useful tool.

Let's pretend for a second people's opinions don't matter. Your skills are tools to help you accomplish the goal of whatever you want to do or be in the least frustrating way possible. If you were a robot, you could get by just fine with that. But in reality, not many of us can shrug off a barrage of harsh criticisms on a regular basis even if you are good at what you do. At the end of the day humans are social creatures and we seek the support of people around us for some level of guidance we couldn't get from ourselves.

Even if you didn't read all that, an important takeaway is don't throw your pearls to the pigs. Anons on the internet are always going to be able to say what they want free of consequence so you can't set your expectations high because well, you have no idea who you're talking to. Find some pals.

Got banned from drawpile for figure drawing and making graffiti of niggers worth the ban. I will never bow and drawing anime digital art is just not my thing oh well.

I think the host banned you for a week for being a repeat offender when it comes to drawing over other people's stuff, not necessarily the nigger word (the fact the nigger word was drawn partially over someone else's stuff was likely the catalyst in this instance, though). That said, I do think it was pretty harsh. Drawing on other peoples' stuff is a very bad thing to do in a Drawpile as everyone knows, but a week is a long time.

>>1275
I didn't even get a warning either and I only draw over one persons art and the was for the R at the end of nigger. People use about all of the space for shitty anime girls and crap and there is jack shit space I think it goes beyond just doing that because I did the day before and the next day I went all my shit that I drew was gone. Then I started figure drawing again in a new space and then I got banned out of nowhere no warning nothing I wasn't drawing over anything. Think the host just hates me and my shitty art figure drawings black and white. The dude went as far as insulting me and calling me an autistic. I am done with that shit anyway drawpile is gay and boring, don't even like digital art. The host's replay of a comment ain't even worth a response it's just a waste of energy wasted on a pointless person.

>>1272
>>1277
The drawpile is just one part of this community.
Feel free to post the PPH of this board with figure drawing, no matter how shitty you think it is.
Don't you want to try Krita?
Digital art outside of drawpile is different.
It can be a lot of fun, although I like traditional more.

watercolors master race

But I should warn you. Their mascot is a furry robot thing. xD
I personally don't care. I care about software I can be productive in.
It could have negros fucking each other in the ass as a startup image or mascot, I honestly wouldn't care. Would be hilarious actually.

I unfortunately don't have much time to split between the communities but I'll try and pop over here to help you once in a while if I can; I think you're making good progress with your Loomis heads (mind those angles, spatial relationships etc.), and while your figures need  a lot of work they're coming along as well bit-by-bit. In lieu of that, the venerable ArtChad is among the finest draftsmen on these here internets so there are far worse-and immeasurably less based-fellas to be in the company of. I lament this situation because I enjoyed following your progress, and while I'll remind you you're always welcome back over on the board itself I understand if you choose not to over your dispute with the Drawpile host.

>>1282
If your Loomis then who the fuck was the mod that ban me shit is so confusing oh well. I mean things seem to be taking a different direction for me I feel like I want to go through all the loomis books and looking through them all I stumbled across the illustration one and it made me think why am I so against color. Seem to be due to never using it I guess but I want to be actually able to do something with my art and my art is mostly based around doing it by myself like most things are and I just can't see myself actually doing figure drawing anymore it just doesn't have an end goal its just empty. Need to do some searching of myself and find the thing that I gravitate towards. It just digital art ain't my thing. I miss imageboards  it's been i better overall experience for communicating. I feel like I cant be in more than one space at a time. We will see what the future brings

>>1284
>>1284
The Drawpile, 8chan.moe/loomis and anon.cafe/loomis are all separate-but-related entities with different owners. I won't say anything bad about or against the Drawpile host as he's provided us an invaluable service post-Harb and we've been comrades of sorts for many years, though I think this whole situation is certainly a shame. As I said though, if you do choose to stay over here ArtChad is a reliable and knowledgeable fellow who will doubtless help you improve no matter what your goals end up being.

>>1288
Kind of might go back on my word probably will continue figure drawing. No one really critiques my work really anyways I even critique my own work so it either happens or it doesn't. Water under the bridge with the drawpile thing it is what it is. Not really the big of an issue I am kind of over it now but at the time it happened it felt odd.

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I agree.

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I finally got over my ass and started drawing after many months and years saying so, only problem:
I HAVE NO TABLET NOR SCANNER AND I MUST SHOW PRACTICE

Still i am only going to practice the things i need for work, that is simple perspectives and 2D facades using de-tensing line work (squibbly irregular lines) in hatch/cross-hatch/circling but i got a bit into the rabbit hole of jewtube drawing tutorials and was newly perplexed at how skilled some people are and how "easy" it looks.
I completely suck at anatomy so i will stick to objects until i get more time, which is fading due to having to learn some warez for upcoming work.

I feel like there's a problem with art and "ugly" art. I'm not sure if I'm imagining things, or projecting the resentment I have to asshole-anons who have mocked me in the past and put me down when I tried to ask for criticism. But even more, I look at youtube artists, and how fucking polarized they are on the subject of Ugly art. On top of this, you have the fucking politically-charged idiots who only have reference for ugly art is low-effort abstract garbage 

The Hater - "Your art is ugly, and sucks, you should be ashamed of yourself"
I have a lot of anger towards this mentality because these are the kinds of people that stifle the progress of artists who are trying to learn. These fuckheads encourage perfectionism, I've been trying for years to emotionally-deal with a stupid little incident that got me fucking wrecked because they thought that greentexting stupid shit would be funny when all I wanted was a fucking critique. I've bitched about that in this very thread and I want to move the fuck on but I feel so fucking afraid of being hate-bombed that I feel like it's not fucking worth doing anything at all, when I wanted to make people happy, and yet here I am getting mocked for showing something I wanted people to feel happy about.

The worst part is, haters are either very-narrow-minded artists who don't exit their comfort zone because it's inconvenient (Ex. Kooleen), clickbaiters looking for easy views and engagement, or asshole non-artists looking for a cheap fucking laugh, or lump bad artists in with the people below.

The Ivy-Leaguer - "You could've done it, but you didn't"
These fuckers are the reason there's a bunch of assholes going around, making edits of people's amateur-ish arts, and scaring budding artists away from making any fucking progress in art.

The fucking club of rich-kids with multi-millionaire-famlies, go to all these "prestigious" art schools where they paint with white on fucking white, make crude sculptures of men sucking themselves off, or just fucking paint splatters with no rhyme or reason. Not even going by their own feelings or what feels best, they fucking just slap some bullshit together, and spend the rest of the fucking time fucking jabberjawing about politics, or whatever made-up symbolism they cobbled-together in their head. Speaking, politicking and fucking "symbolism," is more-important to them than the entire fucking piece, and it's why I get so fucking mad, because the haters who put down ugly art think that every single fucking artist that doesn't make pretty art has the mentality of these retards.

I fucking hate these people, because these fuckheads from families who already had it made are acting like they're so fucking high-class when they make the laziest shit imaginable, and treat it like it's some gift from a god that doesn't exist. "You could've made it but you didn't" sums up their fucking mentality, to the art process, the emotional-process, and fucking everything about it. They either make unemotional, nonsense-abstract art, or it's shock art. They made something low-effort that 'anyone' could make, sold it for hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of dollars, and they rub it in our face that we didn't.

Fuck these people. They're the reason the haters exist and why learning-artists who make ugly art are targeted by haters.

Me - "Can't I fucking be *allowed* to make ugly art?!"

At the core of this entire hate? emotionally, I feel like if I had a gun, and both a hater and an ivy-leaguer in the same room. I would shoot them both, but I would shoot the ivy-leaguer first because those fuckers, their low-effort bullshit, their insufferable snootiness, and their disrespect to the process creates the haters that hurt normal artists that just want to improve their art.

However. I've also noticed a side in this that is less about hate, and more about acceptance and learning from ugly art. And I like this, I like that people like this exist and actually encourage creativity without some stupid restraints or the fear of being bullied...

But I'm fucking afraid of making ugly art. I'm so fucking afraid of doing it because I feel like I'll be fucking put down for either no fucking reason of fucking because some asshole wants a cheap fucking laugh. I feel fucking terrified that one day my art and me will be put on a wall of shame in the same fucking pile as deviantart furry MSpaint fart fetishes, Sonichu, and all the other incompetent art that lolcows make. 

I don't feel fucking allowed to make ugly art. I hate this. I hate the people who are haters and shamers, and I hate the people who give people the 'excuse to be an asshole for the sake of being right,'. 

I know this shit is probably in my head, and part of it is just because I had a few bad interactions with anons, but damn. Half the time I feel like internet art communities are more-emotionally-destructive than vidya lobbies where people are cussing at each other for doing shit wrong.

At least /loomis/ is a nice place, and I'm thankful for that. Thank you for being here for this rage/fear/sad-post. /loomis/.

>>1781
I have the same problem as you regarding people who don't really care about critiquing and just want to put you down to feel better about themselves. Ignoring them is hard, especially since I can tell you think like me. It's about filtering between genuine critiques, unnecesary praise, and unwarranted insults. It can be hard to put down that knee-jerk feeling of "YOU'RE WRONG" whenever someone has some valid criticisms. What you need to do is just ignore the crabs in the bucket, find some people that will actually give you real critiques, and listen to them for advice on how you're progressing.
You're gonna make it.