/christmas/ - All Are Welcome

Anon's heart grew three sizes that day...


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For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government will be upon His shoulders.


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Hello, Merry Christmas and Happy Saturnalia!
This thread is for /tg/ and christmas related content with a focus on
>Greentexts

So if you have a story, or some classic /tg/ recollection, gripes about no games, funny stuff or anything at all (especially those little green buggers so that we may all grow our squig and ork posting and grow proper and big) feel free to drop it here. Thanks for coming and Happy Orksmas to all.
Replies: >>12 >>13
>>11 (OP) 
And we'll start with a little story for everyone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFfbUq6vwa8
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>>11 (OP) 
I've got a good story, from a couple Christmases ago while my group was playing MAID.

>roll a cybernetic robot with an urge to kill, with absolutely no maid-skill but sky-high athletics and cunning
>she's clearly a terminator
>get stuck in the kitchen and told to prepare a good lunch for master with a handful of MREs and packaged food
>but what if … I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking?
>nearest town is two kilometers away from the mansion, because it's in the rural countryside, but it doesn't fucking matter because my Athletics is 4 and I roll a perfect 6 for the best roll possible
>sprint to town at mach 2, come back with food for three people and roll a perfect Cunning score too
>master doesn't suspect a thing
>later do it again but with tea and another perfect 6

MAID's dice system is interesting to me. d6*(attribute), where 4 is the worst possible success and 12+ is wild success. I've mostly experienced it in rushed one-offs, so I feel like I haven't seen the system done justice, but I'd really like to know how the game holds up to somewhat more long-term games! Does anyone have experience with that?
Replies: >>19
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>>13
While obviously not primarily designed for it, there's nothing stopping you from playing maids in a more episodic fashion or possibly even for regular advancement as well. 

I don't have a good holiday greentext so have a Pomf I mean Dakka 'course.
Replies: >>31
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>>19
OH COME ALL YE ORKFUL MERZY AND RIGHT KRUMPY FOR THIS IS THE DAY OF LOOTING IN BELTMAYHAM
And on the zoggin first day of looting, I looted some paper ornatments from some 'git on the webs. Enjoy and be sneaky and cunning.
Replies: >>36
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>>31
Well while we wait for xmas, why don't we talk about ugly sweaters, st. nick or GW alternatives.
Replies: >>47
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>>36
I see no ugly sweater. That thing's gorgeous.
Replies: >>51
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>>47
Well there is some drama over the /christmas/ details but I'll leave that for our meta thread. On the third day of 
LOOTMAS
My looter gave to me.
AN ORK ON A FORK
Trust me, the other options were worst, poor Khorne.
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Ah, I return from vacation and see that we've got some festivities going!  Thats quite nice. 
Once I get my bearings I'll be happy to toss in.  

Until then anyone have any stories to commiserate on? 
Any wins, fails on the war games? 
Try out any new recipes for table snacks?  I've ways wanted to try out that meatbread to be honest. It's like a stromboli on steroids.
Replies: >>75
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>>73
Ahh Meatbread, a classic but here is some help for the new and the visiting. 

The Quick-n-Dirty Procedure of Creating Meatbread
1. Get a large loaf of bread. (Don't skimp here a nice crusty bread)
2. Cut off one end and empty most of the interior on a plate.
3. Stuff loaf with minced meat, sausages and other types of meat along with some of the previously removed bread. (Unless your a purist you should finely chop most of this, use the bread you scooped out to help make up bulk, if you want to use a raw meat (notably chuck or burger) cook it first loose in a frying pan and then insert it AFTER YOU DRAIN IT.  Use some onions and garlic.  (maybe some celery and peppers too). Actually if you are making more then a little of this you can make the gravy in this step too, use half a can of cheap lager 4 tsps of flower and the left over fat. Mix and let brown)
4. If you wish add cheese, spices, mustard etc. (Choose a flavour profile, pork and mustard or pork and red sauce/bay or pork and pineapple all work pork and mustard and red sauce and pineapple does not). You can throw in a stove top stuffing in here too (or more traditional home made stuffing, potatoes / summer savory / etc). 
5. Bake. Make a second pan for gravy either from scratch from the meat fat that you browned seperately or use mushrooms (supereasy look it up mushroom gravy).
6. ??? Praise the Foodiesiah.**
6.5 Take it out LET IT COOL  and stuff your face.
7. HHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhnnnnnnngggggg-
8. Profit


>Alternative, Much More Technical Procedure
Recipe:

1 pkg frozen bread dough (3 per pack)
1 lb ground beef
1 roll sausage (hot or mild)
One 16 oz pkg. smoked sausage (hot or mild)
8 oz grated Mozzarella cheese
8 oz grated Cheddar cheese
1 lb chopped Velveeta Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product
One 3 oz jar stuffed olives, chopped
One 4 oz can of mushrooms
Small bunch onion tops, chopped
Small bunch parsley, chopped
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped bell pepper
2 stalks celery, chopped
3 tbs margarine
Cook ground beef until it is very brown, then drain. Saute bell peppers, onions, celery, onion tops and parsley. Add to ground meat. Stir in half of the chopped Velveeta cheese and set aside.

Cut roll sausage in slices, brown, and put aside. Let cool and crumble. Roll out all three loaves onto floured surface. Spread melted margarine over dough.

Divide all ingredients into three parts and layer as follows:

ground meat mixture
roll sausage
smoked sausage
olives
mushrooms
Cheddar cheese
Mozzarella cheese
Velveeta cheese
Bring bread over, folding ends first. Bake 30-35 minutes if ready to bake. If not, bake at 350F for 10 minutes or until light brown, then freeze. Defrost. Bake another 20-25 minutes or until brown. Use a bread slicer machine if you have it, in order to dish perfect slices just like the ones in the photo above.

This recipe cribbed from [1]

One more Procedure
The actual way to make it, you prat!

You take: 1KG MINCED BEEF! (2 pounds of ground or cubed beef)
BAM!
500G MINCED SAUSAGE! (1 pound of pre-packaged Italian sausage, or 1/4 pound of Andouille/Portuguese Sausage, chopped)
BAM!
500G MOZZARELLA! (1 pound of mozzarella cheese, patted dry)
BAM!
500G STRONG CHEDDAR! (1 pound of cheddar cheese)
BAM!
1 FULL PACK OF SAUSAGES! (Roughly 12 hot dogs, or 8 of whatever higher quality sausage you buy. Chicken sausage with pineapple, for instance, from Costco)
BAM!
1 FULL PACK OF BACON! (1 pack of thick-cut American bacon, quartered)
BAM!
TWO FULL PACKS OF PREMADE BREAD MIX!
BAM!
YOU MIX THE BREAD! GET THAT FUCKER RISING!
BAM!
GRATE ALL THE CHEESE!
BAM!
BROWN ALL THE MEAT!
BAM!
COOK THAT BACON! COOK THOSE SAUSAGES! (Unless pre-cooked)
BAM!
ROLL OUT YOUR BREAD DOUGH!
BAM!
CHUCK ALL THAT SHIT IN THE MIDDLE! PUT THE CHEESE ON TOP!
BAM!
ROLL THE BASTARD CLOSED!
BAM!
PINCH THE SEAMS!
BAM!
OVEN!
BAM!
TEMP 190°C! (375° Fahrenheit, use Bake function)
BAM!
BAM!
UNTIL BROWN!
BAM!
(IF YOU WANT, GIVE IT A BLAST FROM YOUR SPICE WEASEL! BAM!)
BAM!
DONE.
BAM!
(Elzar and G Ramsey approve this recipe)
FUUCKIN DONKEY

Sadly I don't have any of the original images so I'll let some other anon supply that. 
ON THIS DAY OF LOOTMAS THE LOOTAH GAVE TO ME
ONE BELT LOADAH WITH A MEATBREAD.
Replies: >>88 >>131 >>1730
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Well I don't have much for you except
AN IZUTSUMI UNDER A FIR TREE
>>75
I always thought meatbread was just a meme, but after my friend brought pigs in a blanket to game night I'm not so sure anymore. It seems like a leveled up version of that.
Replies: >>89
>>88
Its a little of both. You can definitely make something that will be tasty. If you have trouble with the instructions just keep going to the simplier ones until you find something that you can pull off

>and make yourself a salad you're going to need the ruffage. 

Merry Xmas.
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>>75
Honestly it sounds like South African Bunny Chow (curry stuffed into a loaf of bread) just with more meat. Probably doesn't taste bad.
Replies: >>132 >>155
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>>131
God, that looks delicious.
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>>131
That looks pretty good. Where I am most of the signature dishes are sweets (so not so easy to do for the average anon)


hat's everyone's favorite christmas treats or traditions (even if they are not official ones). For about 12 years I always watched this one episode of the 90's outer limits. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9srl4LdiQmw
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A couple of years ago, my old group and me played a christmass special of deathwatch, we have a group of marines that had to rescue an imperial saint that brought gifts to children all over the sector from a warboss that was pretty much the grinch, it was funny because it ended up looking like metal gear with space marines.
Replies: >>358
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>>235
That actually sounds amazing. 

In case anyone hasn't realized it. Merry Chris/tg/mas Fa/tg/uys. Happy Sa/tg/urnalia, Sanguinalia, Elfmas, and so on.
Replies: >>421
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>>358
Happy slaaneshmass.
Replies: >>800
>>421
TTS is overrated
Replies: >>1357
>>800
Thank god its shitcanned with the rest of the fan stuff forGW.
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What's this spam, now?
Alright, well, recipes are a better idea than greentexts. Here's a family fudge recipe I've got on me. It's delicious.

CRUNCH FUDGE
Materials
	A reasonably large pan (i.e. 9x13)
	Wax paper
	5 cups white confectioner’s chocolate
	3 cups creamy peanut butter
	1 ½ cups crispy rice cereal
	1 ¼ cups mini marshmallows
	½ cup semi sweet chocolate chips
Instructions
1.	Line the pan with the wax paper.
2.	Put the white confectioner’s chocolate and the peanut butter into a microwave-safe bowl.
3.	Melt the mixture in one-minute intervals until smooth. Mix thoroughly between intervals. Once completely melted, mix until uniform in color.
4.	Stir in the mini marshmallows until thoroughly coated.
5.	Stir in half of the chocolate chips.
6.	Stir in the crispy rice cereal until completely coated.
7.	Evenly spread the mixture on the wax tray. It should still look rocky once finished.
8.	Sprinkle the rest of the chocolate chips onto the surface.
9.	Drop the tray onto the counter several times to sink the surface chocolate chips into the mixture.
Wait until completely cooled. Cut, serve.
>>75
Can't seem to mobile post so no pics, but I did make some meatbread.  Experimented with home made dough, accidentally made less than I had hoped for so it was a much smaller one than I had expected\hoped for.  So it's officially the meatbread prototype I will have to tackle later.  Perhaps even tomorrow if I feel like hitting up the store.
Replies: >>1740
>>1730
To mobile post you have to solve the captcha at the top of the thread. The quick reply captcha doesn't work on mobile for some reason.
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