>>40229
I didn't browse /x/ very often, but alright.
For a while now, I've felt this weird hankering to read fairy tales before bed and look more into Eastern Orthodox icons. I didn't really know why, but I also had a sense this was the best way to escape the modern materialist mindset and see the world as my ancestors did. Besides, fairy tales are great night reading and when I began reading them, I found they helped me fall asleep easier. After a few days of this, I felt as though something inside me was changing, although I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was.
Before I continue, a bit of context is needed. For well over a decade I've had this inexplicable difficulty walking on most days. Upon waking, I would lay in bed for an hour or more, unable to get up or do much besides helplessly flop around and wonder how the fuck moving my limbs worked. Sometimes it got so bad that I couldn't use my hands properly anymore, leading to one zzz/v/ sketchful.io game night where my motor control suddenly went to shit and I couldn't use the mouse or type properly anymore. This isn't the only weird health problem I have (one of them kept me from sitting for around a year and still keeps me from lifting heavy objects), but it basically crippled me and confused the shit out of doctors.
Now, sometimes in my dreams I act completely nuts. I have little control over myself and I'm almost more of an observer in my own body. This one night, towards the end of my dream I became this scrawny goblin-like thing who lived in a crypt and I bashed a dude to death against the wall. That was pretty fucking spooky, and I woke up. I quickly noticed two things.
1: I could move just fine
2: I could "speak" internally with the voice of that goblin fucker in the dream and hold conversations with it.
This was pretty fucking weird. I had this feeling that it was tied to my motor control somehow, but it also seemed sort of independent of me. It was clearly the same fucker who beat a dude to death in a dream moments before, but came across as weirdly pathetic and desperate for acceptance. I tried talking to and through it a bit, and couldn't tell whether this was some part of me I'd fragmented off somehow or whether it was something else pretending to be me. In other words, weird psych shit or a demon.
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