I've been on the internet for 28 years now. Uncounted hours, each and every day.
It's not fun anymore. Hasn't been for about seven of these. Sure I still "use" the internet for everyday stuff like shopping and appointments and pirating and all that other gaff but the wonder is gone. The old internet has been torn down and in it's place now is a corporate parking lot. The places where you can have some old style internet conversation I can count on one hand and they're also overrun by politispergs and all the other usual suspects. A "techie", "programmer" and "linux user", I don't enjoy the devices you use the internet with either. They're black boxes. I don't know how they work. I'd make the claim that nobody does. It's impossible to "know" them. I wish I could claim I'm better than everyone else but I endlessly brwose all the social media, youtube, reddit, 4chan etc.. each and every day and it manipulates me to no end. I mostly lurk.
A year or so ago I lost my mind completely and, amongst other things, started using social media in a fevered pitch, engaged in discussion with all kinds of people and even managed to have a back and forth with some minor (as in importance; not in age) starlet and main character of a somewhat known tv series I enjoyed after studying her social media habits and writing stuff I knew would get her attention. Woman even ended up "following" me. Then the little switch in my brain that made me go insane was returned to it's normal position and I deleted everything in disgust. I still don't know what happened to me that year. Bipolar? Midlife crisis? I will probably never know.
Disjointed throwback to IRC in the 90s and a woman in her 30s or 40s in a roleplaying group very actively trying to groom teenage me. We talked on the phone a few times. It was nice because of how feminine and kind she was. Nobody really had been kind to me in that time. I was invisible. Typical latchkey. Luckily, probably, it never went anywhere. She just suddenly ghosted everyone. It left me very confused and also kind of hurt. Adult me understands that she most likely got spooked, got cold feet or had second thoughts about grooming a 14 year old.
While we're talking about sex, there's also the internet porn. Oh god. I don't even know where to begin. I used to LOVE internet porn and the women in them. No other way to put it. Now it just disgusts me. The people are disgusting and what they do is disgusting. I can't even remember the last time I looked at sites like pornhub. It's just gross. Instant turn-off.
I feel it's time to leave the internet for good.
I'm kind of a loser, I'm not gonna lie. Nothing in life has really worked out all that well for me. It could've been worse but man, it also could've been a lot better. A theme in my life is that I tend to end up in the places where I started. No matter what I do, somehow I end up at the beginning again. Nothing really ever moves forward. I never felt too bad about it - "some day", I would tell myself. I am starting to realize now that I simply might not have another 28 years but if I do, I will be old.
In my head, I never grew up. I still do a lot of daydreaming, still have the same childish fantasies that drew me to roleplaying groups back in the day. The advent of generative AI was the best/worst thing that ever happened to me, it was like a dream come true in many ways and I spend a lot of time with it. For all it's faults, it helped my daydreaming come to life in ways it never could before, and all that without having to deal with other people, to boot.
I don't dislike people. I just don't want to deal with them. They don't feel safe. I find current tendencies in the world and especially in the western world alarming. The recent US elections were the first time where I was directly drawn in by the propaganda and fell for it. This never happened to me before, at least from what I know of. I never want it to happen again. When I realized it, I felt violated.
So, I'm leaving the internet for good. I'll only keep some very simple computers as daily drivers, computers that aren't fast enough to load modern websites. Computers I still understand. I'll still keep this system to do the bare minimum like pirating and ordering stuff. Maybe when I have somewhat healed some day, I'll use it for playing modern videogames, if there are any good ones.
Of course I'll always keep access to AI services. Otherwise this is it. I'm done. I wish I could say I'm going to miss it but frankly, I don't think I will.
Why post this here? Because it's utterly unimportant in the grand scheme of things, just like this piece of "old internet". I find it fitting in a way and it would just not have felt right to leave without saying a thing.
Goodbye friends and good luck.